What it feels like being a "Madonna" the 3rd time?

Our 2 sons are such blessings that we thought they're enough for us. They've been so cuddly, affectionate, sweet & thoughtful, energetic and smart; you can never ask for anything more...but after a year and a half of contraceptives, we felt something's still missing...Why not have a new baby? - the smell of a new born, the fragile body, those cute little hands, fingers, feet & toes...the angelic face and those sweet little yawn from a sweet little mouth. And so, it was decided... I stopped taking my pills March of this year. We're also following the "chinese calendar" for the desire to have a baby girl (on which April until October permits it)... so it's definitely a "GO!".

It's been 5 months since then and yet, the result was always negative. We tried consulting an OBGyne during our Philippine vacation last August and she told us that it's just normal for a long wait since I've been into pills for more than a year (it has changed some linings from my uterus but nothing to worry much). She then had me a pap smear test and advised us to just continue trying. My hubby and I settled that if I won't get pregnant at the end of October, then perhaps it's not really the time yet, so I'll just continue with my pills and accept reality...

August 30: We went back in Bangkok after our 2-week Philippine break. 3 weeks after, I was not feeling very well (I always got light-headed and uneasy). At first I thought it was my period. Then after another week, I wondered why I still don't have the spotting that I usually have every month (after taking my contraceptive, I've been irregular and just experiencing brown spots instead of the usual normal flow). I asked Denise that we may need to buy a pregnancy test coz' it's been delayed for more than a month. Then reality set in...

The next morning I woke up early, so eager to know what's the real score. I closed my eyes and waited for the result...After 3 mins, the test didn't give any indication so I tried dropping more urine unto the strip. Then, suddenly it went red and wholla! double lines appeared! Am I pregnant??? Did I follow the instructions correctly??? Those were the questions that followed...I jumped into the bed and announced the result to my husband. He gave me a tight embrace and planted a light kiss on my forehead.

That day, I tried looking for a lady OBGyne. Most of them here in Bangkok are men and I don't think I will be comfortable, so I searched for a lady at Bumrungrad's website. Luckily, I was able to find one - Dra. Anong Lekagul. I called the Hospital and asked for an appointment with her at 3pm. I was on a waiting list and luckily, I got in. And there it was! - the confirmation of my latest pregnancy!!!

Am I scared, happy, overjoyed...or confused? a mixed emotions that time... Yes!... happy to have another long-awaited bundle of joy...but scared that I may not care for the baby the way I did to my 2 kids...sad that I may not be able to slip into my usual wardrobe for a while...but generally overjoyed thinking that we'll be having another joy in our family...